I’m moved by your courage to risk facilitating a Becoming a King group. Over the past 20 years of leading men, I have experienced again and again how often the deepest transformation in my masculine soul happens when I risk facilitating an experience for others. This film series features content curated and distilled from decades of seeking the heart of God through older, wiser guides. Even more, it is a personal invitation from the heart of God to the slow and steady process of becoming the kind of men, the kind of kings, to whom God can gladly entrust his Kingdom. We're excited for you to take the men in your community on this journey. The rewards of leading are different from the rewards of participating, and we hope you find your own walk with Jesus deepened by this experience. This leader’s guide will give you tips on how to prepare for your time together and facilitate a meaningful experience for your group members.
WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO LEAD THIS STUDY?
Get together and watch God show up. Seriously, that’s the basics of how a small group works. Gather several men together who have a deep thirst for apprenticeship to God and his Kingdom. The Lord will honor this every time and show up in the group. You don’t have to be a pastor, priest, theologian, or counselor to lead a group through this study. Just invite people over, watch the video, and talk about it. All you need is a willing heart and a little courage, and God will do the rest. Really.
HOW THIS STUDY WORKS
As the group leader, you will want to make sure everyone in your group has a copy of both the Becoming a King book and study guide. It works best if you can get the guides and books to your group before the first meeting. That way, everyone can read the material in the book ahead of time and be prepared to watch the first video session together. You can order the books directly by clicking here.
This series is presented in six video sessions, with each session being approximately 20 minutes in length. Be creative. The series is designed to be used in a wide variety of context. From a weekly small group of men, to a weekend retreat of any size. Make the necessary adjustments so that everyone has the opportunity to authentically engage.
A FEW DATA POINTS AS YOU SET OUT
Online or in person, the same things apply. There are benefits and challenges to both. Either way, I encourage you to take each of these suggestions to heart.
The setting really matters. Whether online or in person, create a distraction free environment, that allows people to get real. Remember, the enemy likes to distract us when it comes to seeking God, so do what you can to remove these obstacles from your group (silence cell phones, limit background noise, no texting, etc.). Set the chairs or couches in a circle to prevent having a “classroom” feel. Consider having some refreshments. Depending on your group’s culture, that can be anything from pints and cigars to coffee and donuts. Just be yourself.
Good equipment is important. If you're online, be sure everyone has access to stream or download the video. If in person, meet where you can watch the video sessions on a screen big enough for everyone to see and enjoy. Get or borrow the best gear you can. Also, be sure to test your media equipment ahead of time to make sure everything is in working condition. That way, if something isn’t working, you can fix it or make other arrangements before the meeting begins.
Be honest. Remember that your honesty will set the tone for your time together. Be willing to answer questions personally, as this will set the pace for the length of your group members’ responses and will make others more comfortable in sharing.
Confidentiality is essential. Agree with the entire group that everything shared in your time together is held in strict confidence. The goal is to create a soul safe space, where men can be authentic.
Stick to the schedule. Strive to begin and end your meetings at the same time each week. The people in your group have lives as full as yours, and if they can trust you to be a good steward of their time, they will be more willing to come back each week. Of course, you want to be open to the work God is doing, and at times you may want to linger in prayer or discussion. Remember, the clock serves you; your group doesn’t serve the clock. But work to respect the group’s time, especially when it comes to limiting the discussion times.
Don’t be afraid of silence or emotion. Honor the two-minute pauses built into each session as they are laid out in the study guide. Welcome awkward moments. The message presented during this study will challenge the group members to reconsider some of their beliefs and compel the brave to put new things into practice in their lives. Don’t be afraid to ease into the material with the group.
Don’t dominate the conversation. Though you are the leader, you are also a member of this small group. So don’t steamroll over others in an attempt to lead—and don’t let anyone else in the group do so either.
Prepare for your meeting. Watch the video for the meeting ahead of time. You will feel better prepared for what the session might stir in the hearts of your group members. Also, be sure to review the material in this guide and spend some time in prayer. In fact, the most important thing you can do is simply pray ahead of time each week:
God, come and rule this time. Let your Spirit fill this place. Bring your Kingdom here. Take us to the things we really need to talk about, and rescue us from every distraction. Show us the heart of the Father. Meet each person here. Give us your grace and love for one another. In your name, I pray.
Send out a reminder email or text a couple of days before the meeting to make sure folks don’t forget about it. And remember you can get big discounts on the book and study guide in bulk for your group. Everyone will want it in hand for session one.
AS YOU GATHER
You will find the following counsel especially helpful when you meet as a group for the first time. These comments are offered in the spirit of “here is what I would do if I were leading a group through this study.”
First, as the group gathers, start your time with introductions if people don’t know each other. Begin with yourself and share your name, what drew you to participate, if you have a spouse and/or children, what you would love to see happen for your masculine soul through this experience. Going first will put the group more at ease.
After the introductions, jump right in to watching the video teaching, as this will help get things started on a strong note. In the following weeks, you may want to start by allowing folks to catch up a little with some “how are you?” kind of banter. Too much of this burns up your meeting time, but you have to allow some room for it because it helps build relationships among the group members.
Note that each group will have its own personality and dynamics. People will typically hold back the first week or two until they feel the group is “safe.” Then they will begin to share. Again, don’t let it throw you if your group seems a bit awkward at first. Of course, some people never want to talk, so you’ll need to coax them out as time goes on. But let it go the first week.
INSIGHT FOR DISCUSSION
If the group members are at all open to talking about their lives as they relate to this material, you will likely not have enough time for every question suggested in the study guide. I encourage you to choose two or three questions or big ideas from the study guide as the centerpiece for each gathering. The men can dive into more of the study guide and suggested action steps in their time alone between gatherings.
Whether online or in person, you set the tone for the group. Your honesty and vulnerability during discussion times will tell them what they can share. How long you talk will give them an example of how long they should respond. So give some thought to what stories or insights from your own work in the study guide you want to highlight.
A STRONG CLOSE
Some of the best learning will take place after the group time as God brings new insights to the participants during the week. Encourage your group to write down any questions they have as they work through the between-sessions exercises in the study guide. Make sure they know you are available for them as they explore the material. Finally, make sure you close your time by praying together—either by following the suggested prompts or by coming up with your own closing prayers. Ask two or three people to pray, inviting God to fill your group and lead each person during this study.
Thanks again for taking the time to lead your group. May God reward your efforts to help men recover the ancient path to becoming!
JOIN ME FOR A LIVE ONLINE GATHERING
On a regular basis, I host an online session with Becoming a King facilitators and their groups for an exclusive face-to-face time to ask questions, dive deeper into the content, and pray together. You can find the registration link for your group under number four of the “Ways to Share” section on this page.
